It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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