Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
