Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
you win again, gameday.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
