I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
