If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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