You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
