I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
tell me about the fingering
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
