Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
