wrigley field is MILF paradise
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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