So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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