A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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