he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
