pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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