So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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