Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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