you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
