just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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