While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
