Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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