She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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