every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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