I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
