Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
