so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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