that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
