she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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