oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
