everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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