Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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