I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
