So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
