So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
