Someone shit on the floor
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
