Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize