You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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