i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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