We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
that is very illegal...i love you.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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