I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
