my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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