I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
