The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
