people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
