last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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