youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
