five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
