you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
