Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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