Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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