I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
