I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
