then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
