So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
