question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
