you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
