I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize