break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
