Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
