in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
