her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Everclear isn't food dammit
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
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