I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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