maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
