The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize