dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm both gender and math confused
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
