The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
