No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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