Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
