I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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