You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
