My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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