Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
