Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
