There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
