like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
